Questionable Virtues
Patience is one of those characteristics much touted to children everywhere and also especially to women. I've recently begun to wonder though, what the difference is between patience and letting someone walk all over you.
This is what I think:
Patience is my ability to put up with something without going mad. The 'something' may or may not be appropriate or 'walking all over me.'
The fact that I clearly picked up that patience is a virtue society wants to see particularly in women, suggests to me that society believes that, if I am patient, it can walk all over me without consequence. This, actually, is crap.
I used to think that I was becoming less patient. But actually, I think my bullshit and abuse detector just matured. The fact that I can have the presence to not be driven mad by something, and also, insist on being treated well, is more likely what's been happening. I've been sneaking up on this for many years but only put words to it, like, right now.
That said, we all know how great insisting on anything works, which is to say, with really mixed results. I think it's somewhat likely that both the sellers of this home and us are trying to be mutually patient with each other and potentially we all feel like the other is mistreating us somewhat.
We had our inspections done (was it only last week?) and the appraisal (which came back decently). Melissa ferreted out much information about the foundation, and the butterflies, and the fire regulations, and the soil, and a bunch of things I can't even remember. And then she said to the other agent, "Hey, what about the septic and well stuff that your clients need to do? Because the inspection contingency needs to be lifted by 6/15."
And the other agent was like, "Oh, my clients don't want to get that done until your clients remove some contingencies because they want to make sure they're not backing out."
And Melissa was like: "Ah, your clients have to get this done whether or not my clients are the ones who buy the home. Additionally, the fact that they sprang for $800 for the appraisal instead of the usual $500 does show that they're committed."
Melissa stands up for us like a fire breathing attack dragon
The other agent was like: "Yeah... but this is how my clients are. They don't want to spend the money."
And you know? I actually sort of get that. If you haven't got a lot of money, you don't say to yourself, "I have three days worth of peanut butter left. I'll get some more at the store today."
No, you say, "I have three days worth of peanut butter left. I'm not going to get more until I really need it. Maybe I'll have more money by then!"
Melissa encouraged us not to lift any contingencies before things were really ok. Chris was anxious to do so, but Melissa pointed out that we had to put in a request for whatever we were going to request in terms of repairs or credits on stuff that was not ideal before we could remove the inspection contingency.
So we did. Melissa did her magic thing and sent us links to look up costs for everything from mobile home stair units to toilets, and we tried to figure out what would be a reasonable amount to ask for that's fair to us and them. I'm sure I can't remember everything, but for what I do remember...
- 7ish windows that have lost their argon gas between the double panes.
- Moldings and fascia boards that have fungus.
- Replacing some insulation and tying up a duct under the home.
- Replacing a toilet and getting a new wax ring for the other.
- Problematic polybutylene piping throughout the house that isn't dead yet but could be at any moment resulting in a flood.
- Insulating the dishwasher.
- Replacing the back panel on the dishwasher cabinet.
- A slow draining and corroded sink.
And as for the appraisal contingency, we can't remove that yet because the frustrating underwriting company needed double the amount of [insert fancy word here for documentation] for appraisal home values in the area due to the fact that this is a manufactured home. Rar! Seriously, if anyone can explain to me why manufactured homes are so not cool with everyone, I'd really like to know! Of course, Melissa just took care of the mega buttload of documentation and told us afterwards. But they still have to review it all.
And we can't remove the loan contingency until the loan really is a sure thing. The loan can't be a sure thing until the underwriting company goes over the double documentation for the appraisal and approves it! So, sorry sellers. You're SOL.
The annoying bit is that, if they don't get the septic and well inspected, when they do, the inspection contingency more or less reopens for five days for us to review the information. So if they really want it removed... well... it's only false removed based on the work they didn't have done.
And really, all of this is a little silly because they really wanted a long escrow and then to potentially continue living in the house for up to a month and a half after. A fact Melissa had to remind their agent of. If they needed more time in the house, then it shouldn't matter that much if we take the entire contingency period, which, by the way, ends way before the escrow is due to close because the normal contingency periods are built on the usual escrow time frame of 30 days.
So we're in a holding pattern right now. We have no pieces to move (which feels really weird after the stress and pressure of the last two weeks having to get All. The. Things. to All. The. People.), and they have only some pieces to move which they've decided they're not moving until we move. With luck, the underwriting company will figure out their butts on Monday and we can remove the appraisal and/or loan contingency.
Actually, Melissa just sent an email and apparently the appraisal contingency does have to be removed on Monday. Let's hope they figure out their butts! There was also this issue where the title company (no idea what they really do) had the wrong APN for this land and they corrected it per Melissa, of course, but then got the address wrong, so they have to correct it again.
You know, Melissa told us that buying a home was one of the most stressful things in her life before she knew much about doing it. It is plenty stressful. Like, I'm not enjoying it any. But for my own triggers, I can't say it's the most stressful. That said, I'm pretty sure a lot of it being manageable (read: all of it) has to do with how much Melissa is doing for us.
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| Yeah, I made that and I'm proud of it! |
It also feels really weird not to check the email we get from Melissa's email bot every day for new properties that might be the one! It is possible that these sellers will back out, but we don't have any intention of doing so. This is the home I want at this time. So I really really don't want to find some property I think I might like better than this one! Not that that seems likely given that we've looked about six months already and this is the best we've found.
So, Chris and I are antsy. We're antsy because it's not a done deal yet. We're antsy because we want to start doing All. The. Things. We're antsy because we want to go outside our new home and eat cereal in the shade of the big tree there. I want to start planning how to paint the interior (I have some ideas already), and what plants I want to plant right away vs which I need to wait to plant. We want to put in the fence so the dog can have a place to go be a dog by himself. And install coyote rollers so no one gets eaten. I want to think about having chickens and goats and walking around the house with my clothes off because hot flashes y'all!
But we must wait. We don't officially close until 7/15 (when I'll be out of town) and even then, we might not get to move in until September. Which is one of the hottest months here. But to be fair, there really aren't any months here that aren't hot. If this can be our forever home (so much as we can tell from here), then it will be worth it.
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