Say What?
There was a time, one not so very long ago, that my boss could tell me a few things she wanted me to do and, for the most part, I both remembered them and got them done.
In fact, I've always had a very good memory. My family and I used to play the card game Memory, and even as a little kid I was very good at it. I memorize various things with relative ease. When I was in third grade (8 years old) I memorized 50 digits of pi because my older sister was doing it. I didn't know what pi was nor did I care. It was just fun to write little green numbers on my fingernails with Dad's felt-tip pen and say all the ones I knew, then look at my nails and say the new ones until I knew them too.
Except memory isn't a single thing. There are different kinds of memory and while, I still do pretty well remembering sequences and stuff I run into often, some years back Chris started telling me that I'd asked him some question five times and each time he'd told me the answer. And not only do I ask a sixth time, I never have any memory of having asked the thing the previous five times. I still do reasonably well remembering tasks my boss wants me to complete, but I often don't remember the details of what we discussed, or sometimes a thing simply flies out of my head altogether.
I suppose I could be concerned about this, but there could be a bunch of normal reasons this is happening. And really, it's not like my mind is going to function as it did seven years ago, and seven years before that, etc. If it did, well, I'd never grow. I might also not forget things as much, but I'll take the experience over the occasional CRS/old fogey moments that occur. For now anyway. Like I have a choice...
This is reason number eight zillion that it's essential we have Melissa. I can't keep track of what BossLadyFriend needs from me, the various things I'm creating for NewAwesomeBoss, my personal business crises -uh, tasks, and still figure out how to deal with this home buying process. I literally had to ask Melissa today when our inspection contingency period is over. And I don't know what papers she's given us, when, nor why they're important or what they contain. And I can seriously not keep straight what company is doing what part of the work for us. It doesn't help that it seems many companies are a conduit to a bigger company who are actually doing the ultimate function we need. This seems to be the case with our lender who is sending our loan on through to an underwriting company that may or may not be super tight with him... And Melissa has her own team of people who... do stuff... ? I can't keep track of whether it's Alliance, Allegro, Allegiance, or Alligator. And even if I do remember which one of those some company is, I can't remember what that company has to do with our purchase process.
I was reading some exceptionally lengthy legal paperwork online the other day. Some company, somewhere, sent it to us and told us to sign it. And because it's legal I felt it was actually important that I read it lest I was agreeing to the mold sniffing aardvark again. I got something like 10 pages in and... I just couldn't anymore.
It's like they took someone who only speaks Olde English, pulled some random words out of the OED, and strung them together with enough transition words to make it seem like they were making sense but didn't at all.
There are lots of encumbrances, and wherefores, and pursuants, and whereins... And it lulls you into an odd state of thinking you might have just understood a thing except then you snap out of your stupor and realize you don't remember the last eight pages.
It all goes smoothly. You're reading along... "Unless otherwise agreed in writing, the principals to this agreement, along with the paragraphs identified as "extraneous" in the Minority Agreement..."
...and then, it starts adding clauses... "Buyer's will complete a "Flow Addendum" that shall be presented to the Procedural Administration at the same time as recordation of the deed for the books of notoriety, though should the buyer decline to complete the "Flow Addendum", or if rejected by the Procedural Administration, or if precipitation should occur on the second Tuesday after signing of the potato fruitcake, wherein the Company resists management by the purveyor of logistics, then Company is authorized to draft and issue instructions, pursuant to the encumbrance clause of the final notice of lent, or amendments, supplements, or cancellation, per the oral, written, computer transfuncated, or localized harmonics symposium of the Order of Creebs, the information of the Principals or their designated agents, attorneys, or lenders; however, bagel."
And somewhere around 'bagel' is where you start to think that maybe you don't really get what this document means and perhaps you need a break. They even had the gall to somewhere write in that the whole escrow/loan/legal whatever business would all be conducted in English and I was like "HA! Gotcha! You lying son of a duck!"
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| "HA! HA!" She cried with gleeful insanity |
This is how this document describes the property we wish to purchase (and yes, it's in all caps):
BEGINNING AT THE POINT ON THE SOUTH LINE OF SAID NORTHEAST QUARTER, DISTANT THEREON 113.00 FEET WESTERLY FROM THE NORTHWEST CORNER OF SAID NORTHEAST QUARTER OF THE SOUTHWEST QUARTER OF SAID SECTION 3; THENCE NORTHERLY ALONG A LINE PARALLEL WITH THE WEST LINE OF SAID NORTHEAST QUARTER OF THE SOUTHWEST QUARTER OF THE 208.00 FEET, THENCE EASTERLY ALONG A LINE PARALLEL WITH SAID NORTH LINE OF SAID SOUTHWEST QUARTER, 416 FEET, MORE OR LESS, TO A POINT ON THE WESTERLY LINE OF STATE HIGHWAY NO. 22 AS SHOWN ON SAN DIEGO COUNTY HIGHWAY COMMISSION ROUTE 35, DIVISION 8, ON FILE IN THE OFFICE OF THE COUNTY SURVEYOR; THENCE NORTHERLY ALONG SAID EASTERLY LINE OF SAID HIGHWAY TO THE NORTHERLY LINE OF SAID SOUTHWEST QUARTER; THENCE WESTERLY ALONG SAID NORTHERLY LINE, 416.00 FEET, MORE OR LESS, TO THE POINT OF BEGINNING.
That clears things up, doesn't it?
I am humbled to recognize that I really truly have no idea what is going on. We received an uncountable number of emails and text messages today from Melissa who 1. reached out to some environment person for us to check on the issue of the Quino Checkerspot Butterfly population around our property and if it was likely to keep us from building, 2. asked the other agent and the lender for the appraisal results (which were done yesterday and I'm sure she told us and I had no clue), 3. something about a soil and foundation report... Idk... 4. foundation clarification from one of the umpteen people who have provided reports, files, and opinions about this, 5. corrected me on things I should and shouldn't talk about with whom and when in regards to the buying process, 6. advised me that there is no industry preferred way to answer a lenders "why aren't you guys doing your loan through me?" question, 7. corrected my concern that the info from butterfly guy indicated we should get an environmental assessment for $$$, 8. let us know that we should call the county to ask about any clear snafus around us building on that property, 9. told me what I need to say to the county when I call and 10. reminded me of all the important dates in an email I now have to find so I can star it and won't have to ask her again.
This is so far beyond my comprehension... I find my mind being so far less plastic than it used to be. Switching from work for one company, to work for another company, to remembering what has been done and said about one of the many issues we're following up on with the property, and what company is in charge of that aspect, and what the people's names are who work on the team in that company, then on to work for my own business... I can't. I have no clue.
I find myself fearing that something will be left seriously in the lurch because ultimately Melissa is helping us but it's not her job to think of every tiny thing that could be a deal breaker for us as humans (for the property... maybe). I rarely feel as plebeian as I do at the moment. While all the decision making is ultimately up to us, the number things Melissa has gone and checked for us wouldn't even have been thought of by me. I don't even fully understand all the complications that have come up.
Me: "So... this could be a problem if the Foositzer spizracks too much?"
Melissa (patiently): "No... this is more a problem if the Sitzfooer rackspiz too much..."
Me: "Oh."
There really isn't a world where going through the home buying process could happen if it were just me and Chris. I know some people excel at this stuff, and thank goodness those people exist. But really I just want to hand Melissa the reins and tell her "You just tell us where to sign and what to say, and I swear we'll do it."
It's like I'm literally the kid in the sleigh, waving the snowflakes away from my face like they're flies.
With luck, the appraisal will come in low but not too low. We'll ask them for some credits, or to lower the price somewhat, or to fix a thing. They'll agree. We'll sign more mounds of papers. Then, sometime around August or so, we'll have a home. Or something.
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